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How to get anyone to do the dishes

1. When would you like to do the dishes—Tuesday at 9am or Thursday at 3pm?

2. 9,432,824 people have already washed their dishes today. Join them?

3. Want cookies? Eat as many as you like, but I will need to serve them on a special dish. That one in the sink there.

4. I don’t usually accept help with the dishes, but these are special.

5. Wash five dishes, get the sixth dish licked clean by my dog.

6. Now accepting applications for the exclusive, Million-Dollar Dish Fairy Club–with a special, surprise celebrity guest.

7. What’s the connection between washed dishes and profitability? Download this free special report.

8. WANTED: People who are extraordinarily talented at dishes. ONLY ELITE DISHWASHERS NEED APPLY.

9. Elegant dish gloves. A luxurious sponge. Watermelon dish soap. Experience dishes for the first time all over again.

10. You know who does her own dishes every day? Oprah.

11. Become a member of the clean-sink club. Photograph your clean sink and compete with thousands of others who do their dishes daily!

12. Could this be you? The future title-holder of Best Dishwasher In the World?

13. These are just like the dishes you used to wash when you were little. Come back home.

14. Are you tired of eating off dirty plates? What would it take for you to decide, right now, to make a change?

15. These aren’t just dishes. These are part of a journey that begins with you.

16. Now dishes have gone social! Download the dish app and track all your washed dishes, then count up your silverware with your friends!

17. What kind of dishwasher are you? Take the quiz.

19. Never go to bed angry at the dishes.

20. You can do the dishes, or not. Whatever you decide today, you were doing the best you could with the resources you had. It’s a clean sink.

21. What can the way you wash dishes tell you about your personality–in bed?

22. What can the dish-washing lines that work on you tell you about your personality–in bed?

I think the trick is not to oversell it. Would you mind doing me a favor?

14 Responses to How to get anyone to do the dishes

  1. P.S. Jones says:

    My favorite is the one about Oprah. Yeah, just tell ‘em Oprah’s doing it and you’re guaranteed success! lol

  2. Lisa Firke says:

    Brilliant. Bloody brilliant.

  3. Rupa says:

    Have you ever sold timeshare? ;) Your point is well-taken, Kelly. I’m still chuckling over #15 –my new, all-purpose spin!

  4. jacquelyn says:

    We have lots of discussion about dishes around here.

    (mostly of the it’s-not-my-turn-I-did-them-this-morning variety)

    Not only are you a brilliant copywriter, but you also have skills as a child psychologist. Printing this out and taping it above the sink.

  5. Julie says:

    I LOVE this.

  6. Naomi Niles says:

    I’d like to experience dishes for the first time all over again. Wait…actually. No, I think I wouldn’t. LOL

    Thanks for the smile, as always.

  7. My favorite is: What’s the connection between washed dishes and profitability? – thanks, Kelly!

  8. I love it! You’ve made washing dishes seem sexy, profitable, rewarding, luxurious, and special. And what a great exercise in problem-solving! Fun, fun, fun.

    Now, rather than go mop my floors, I’m going to start thinking of ways I can get someone else to do it. Thank you!

  9. Hiro Boga says:

    Oh, I’m laughing too hard to type…Wanna come to my house and do dishes?

  10. Brandon says:

    I wish I could afford to hire you. I know, I know. I cannot afford to NOT hire you. But really, I wish I could afford it. Some day.

  11. Jessie says:

    Good list. You’ve made washing dishes seem so fun, rewarding, and special. And what a great exercise in problem-solving!

  12. You have made washes dishes that seems luxurious and specials. I must try to get someone to do it.

  13. Adam Jacob says:

    Good list, I was thinking it the same to may niece.

    Thanks for the post.

  14. [...] See them all at Wondergrow.com [...]

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