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The first thing is to acknowledge the Essential Law of Parties.
There are no rules.
People love parties because they can do whatever they want.
The Essential Law of Parties has a secret loophole, which introverts can use to their advantage.
Because parties have no rules, we can leave whenever we feel like it.
We don’t realize this because we are introverts. We think about how people will feel when we leave “early” (popularly defined as “before anyone else does”), and then we don’t leave, and feel miserable.
Because we’re afraid to be afraid to leave, we stay home, which is not what we really want to do.
What we really want to do is to see if the party is any fun, and to go home as soon as we feel like it.
Go to all the parties. Now you know to apply these three easy steps for spontaneous departure.
Step 1: Tell the extrovert friend who invited you that you’re trying this thing where you go home as soon as you feel like it.
The benefit to them is you’ll come whenever they invite you anywhere. (As long as you bring your own car or call a cab.) They don’t have to persuade you. They’ll mock you anyway. They love to mock you. Humor them. You get to leave early.
By the time you leave, your extrovert friend will have found a new and shiny friend. They hate to lose a party asset, just on principle, and will tease you as you walk out the door, because you’re detracting from their party net worth.
It’s like a billionaire losing $100. They might get upset, because how do you think billionaires became billionaires? But they will live. They will thrive. You will not thrive. You need to leave this party immediately.
Step 2: Notice how you feel.
Be ready to leave, guilt-free, as soon as you feel like going home. You know that feeling. You’re just done. That’s it. Go home now.
Step 3: Look like you are having THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE as you say goodbye.
Never leave a party early looking tired. It’s a common introvert mistake. You want everyone to secretly suspect you’re going to another party, so they don’t feel sorry for you. It’s not lying to be enthusiastic, because it’s true. You’re enthusiastic to be here. You’re simply playing the cassette tape of your enthusiasm from earlier. So you can go home like it’s no big deal:
“OMG, this was so much fun!” (It really was, and now it’s time for you to go.)
Other introverts in the room will wish they’d thought of that.
You’re home! Clean sheets and cheesy bread! My favorite way to end a Friday night.
Wow, where has this advice been all my life?!?
I love this and will be employing it immediately because hubs has invited us to a party Sunday. I’m already freaked. But now…hehe…I have a secret weapon. THANKS!
Drew, I took a great risk by revealing the party loophole. My extroverted friends might discover this and make up some new, extroverted loophole. But if my sacrifice saves you from staying too long at a future party, it was all worth it.
YES!! This is beyond awesome. Ha ha – have everyone secretly suspect you’re going to another party. So they don’t feel sorry for you!!! (They probably really think that, don’t they?) Love it.
.-= Patty K´s last blog ..A glimpse into life without social anxiety =-.
Wulfie, so glad to help. The timing was critical. The last of the summer parties are upon us.
Haha, I am – but I promise your secret is safe with me! My partner is an introvert so I’ve been doing some ready to understand why he wants to drag me away from parties 13 minutes after we arrive, when I’m only just getting into the swing of things!
This will work fantastically for both of us – we just need to buy a second car…
Wow! This whole website seems to be one big party.
Speaking as an introvert, I guess I’ll give your advice a try. Time to step out of my comfort zone.
Patty K, and YOU in your pajamas could really rock that exit!
I appreciate the risk you took on our behalf by revealing this secret.
*bows in thanks*
.-= Elizabeth´s last blog ..a moment in the sun =-.
Carl, permission to visit this party anytime. Stepping out of the ol’ comfort zone isn’t so bad when we know we can step right back into it whenever we want.
Elizabeth, you know I’m always looking out for my introverted friends–both 2-legged and 4-legged.
*double-bow to Atlas* (I know he’s a dog, but he just seems like a friendly introvert to me.)
I think I have just found the answer to all my party going prayers…contrary to popular belief I am the antithesis of party animal, so this advice kind of rocked my world. Thanks Kelly
.-= Natalie Peluso´s last blog ..The Art Of Catching Your Breath =-.
Yay! Your secret’s safe here, Natalie. I don’t think any extroverts are reading this. They’re all out talking really loudly and excitedly about that one time.
Where was this introvert information and access to the loophole when I liked to party like it was 1999.
I may just bring that me back.
That’s one time, *at band camp*, thankyouverymuch.
Yes, I’m an extrovert. And I can be a bit loud, but I blame that on growing up in New Jersey.
But even I like to leave parties early. I’m not an introvert, but I am a morning person. So it’s good advice for me, too.
.-= Kathleen Jaffe´s last blog ..Business advice from your toddler =-.
I’ve used this move many a time, but I never knew it was a THING. I’m so thankful for the validation. Now, who’s having a party tonight that I can un-crash?
People who know me call any stealth departure The Briana.
I clearly need to switch over to the loud and proud “OMG, this was so much fun!” maneuver.
p.s. I feel like you’re talking right to me.
.-= Briana´s last blog ..Shannon Wilkinson in the Green Room with an ice axe =-.
Omigosh Kelly! I love you even more now! And I already loved you a lot. So yeah
This is freaking genius and it’s a super sweet alternative for both introverts and extroverts. I do want to go to parties, but having the guilt-free ability to leave is like booya!
I will share this with my other introverted friends.. and maybe we’ll leave together to go to another secret party (the “clean sheets & cheesybread type” haha).
.-= Nathalie Lussier´s last blog ..Raw Dog Food- What is this BARF Diet thing =-.
Thanks, Kelly, for revealing your secrets!
To introverts with party-loving partners: do you just leave your other half there? It feels so awkward to me that I just can’t do it. I’ve been thinking that if he goes to the party, I should stay home, and vice versa.
Stupid, but true.
xo
I’m guilty of many many “looking tired” party-leavings… Never again, thanks to you, Kelly!
By the way, this brilliant post applies to more than parties: I’m thinking it might be the ticket to transforming my relationship with my out-laws…
Kelly Parkinson – saving my life with copywriting and etiquette since (I found her in) 2009.
.-= Megan Lubaszka´s last blog ..The Gospel Of College- Is College Right For Your Kid Part 1 =-.
I think you need to password protect this page. Use a phrase known only to introverts.
I DO stay home too often because I’m afraid I’ll be trapped out of a wish to please. Leaving enthusiastically should be pleasing enough.
Bless you.
.-= Mahala Mazerov´s last blog ..Self Care Confessions scroll for Delighted Begging =-.
I, too, am so guilty of the looking-tired departure.
At the time, it seemed like that was the best way to justify it. “Poor me, I’m so tired.”
But you are so right – it’s exactly the wrong way to bail out when you’re dealing with extroverts. Like they would understand leaving a party for something as trivial as utter exhaustion.
Thank you for saving me from future party fouls!
.-= Victoria Brouhard´s last blog ..Find the No-Brainer Scenario- Where Should We Live =-.
Kelly Kelly Kelly-
I read this one out loud to Andy. Because he still doesn’t really believe I am an introvert and because I pretty much always would rather be home, country-hermit-girl that I basically am.
I am a big fan of all posts espec those to do with 1. hair, 2. soft-serve 3. leaving places early
love to you-
Lisa
http://www.IntuitiveBody.com
Energy of Weight Loss
Recovering Beauty
I really wish I had seen this on Saturday before I bailed on a party that night. Now I’m armed and ready for the next one. Great post!
xo
.-= anne hubben´s last blog ..the fire starter sessions =-.
Love the advice here. So many times we feel as though we must stay, when we actually do not. Thanks for the nudge and I’ll be sure to put this into practice during the next big “event”.
.-= Becki Noles´s last blog ..Business Networking Tips for the Introvert =-.
I can completely relate to this. In my younger years walking into and leaving parties would fill me with terror. I was especially keen to leave early, unnoticed and not have to explain anything to anyone.
Continued… I wish that I’d had this information then. Now, I just save myself the pain and discomfort by just staying at home!
I’ll echo all the OMG I love this advice thank-you-thank-you’s and add this:
Ever notice how one person leaves and then there’s an exodus?
By being the first to leave we are probably liberating all the other introverts and anyone else who wants to leave but hasn’t heard this advice.
So go like Kelly says, notice how you feel and leave when you want to.
.-= Tzaddi´s last blog ..Making Space =-.
This is killing me. I am dying in laughter. I shall try this in the future as I am at the point of avoiding parties all together. LOL
Holy shit, where have you been all my life.
GLOMP. And I hate hate HATE the word glomp. But there’s no better description for what my body needs to do to yours, right now, to express some physical gratitude for a structured article about this.
Cheesy bread and a bottle of Arbor Mist, table two! And some clean sheets. For after the cheesy bread. (wipe wipe.)
.-= Mish´s last blog ..Youth Culture Killed My Puppy =-.
One of the joys of growing older is you care less about things like this. Don’t get me wrong. I was at an event just last night where I really only knew people via online activities.
I was the first to leave. I was hot, overwrought and had had enough.
I thought about it, struggled briefly and thought “they will have to like me as I am or not at all”.
I simply said “I’ve had a great time, but I’m gonna be that person who leaves first…”.
And I did. And what happened? As I was sitting in my car for a minute, I saw at least 5 people leave right after me. All I did was break the ice.
LOVE THIS BLOG.
[...] up counts, whether it means giving yourself permission to leave whenever you want or driving by and leaving without ever setting foot in the place, realizing that networking events [...]
Thanks, Kelly! BTW, I think you might have just popped my blog’s Kelly cherry. I know, we’re everywhere. But I don’t believe any Kellys have ever commented on this blog before. Oh gosh, now it sounds like I have this long spreadsheet of names I’m obsessively checking off. That would be such an introvert thing to do. Anyway, thanks for the comment and the link.
[...] at Copylicious gives us introverts some insanely useful advice with “An Introvert’s Guide to Spontaneous Departures”. The crowd goes [...]
Awesome!
I really *do* enjoy a good party so it kinda confuses friends when I leave in what seems to be mid-flow, right after a good booty shake, obviously not tired or moving onto another party (2 parties would literally kill me and they know that!)
Friends do their best to convince to me to stay and to prevent a *scene* I do for as long as I can tolerate it. Telling the extrovert friend your intentions is a crucial step eh?
Now that’s an introvert using her interpersonal and intrapersonal intelligence. Please make one about how to leave a party that’s in your house (but your not the host)!
this comment is meant to help, not criticize, but you introverts just don’t get it.
After i read this, I thought, what terrible advice and then read everyone’s comments saying this is great advice.
TRUST ME!
Step 1: don’t tell your extrovert friend about “this new thing your doing.” That’s awkward and when you go so far out of your way to try to make your friend have a positive opinion of you, its going to backfire and he’s going to think your nice, but kind of a loser who is self-conscious about his or her behavior. Also, you put this idea in his or her head that we actually didn’t already have based on you leaving things early (we’re not being that judgmental). Here’s the deal: your supposed to enjoy the plans with your friend. when you say what’s in step 1, your friend gets the idea that meeting is a responsibility. Act how step 1 tells you (leave when your bored), but don’t voice this to your friend, because when extroverts are bored, we leave and we understand when others do too. You can leave a party early without being rude or appearing bored or appearing antisocial.
Step 2: Great advice
Step 3: Terrible advice. Don’t pretend anything. Be yourself. If you’re not having a good time, don’t turn negative and go crazy complaining, but don’t pretend anything (unless it’s a boss’s party). It’s frustrating and annoying for you to do this and it causes complications
It seems like all this advice stems from the fear that extroverts look at introverts who don’t look like they’re having fun as being anti-social. These events that are supposed to be fun, become responsibilities. If you want to get someone’s respect, do want you want even if you think it might get viewed negatively; be laid-back and confident your behavior is acceptable and STICK TO YOUR GUNS. Yes we may view someone who is always leaving the event early as someone who finds parties less fun (not really a negative opinion), but people respect others who stick to their guns on how they act, and don’t need to explain themselves in fear that they are insulting you and will no longer be liked.
In the end, introverts can learn a lot from extroverts, and extroverts can learn a lot from introverts.